Self made project during lockdown
Everything plays a part.
Dance. The career I have chosen.
Eating. Not Eating.
Covering it up. Hiding and pretending.
Using it as an excuse.
Never being allowed to use it as an excuse.
I want to strip it all back. To be bare to the world, to myself.
Open, exposed, truthful and honest.
SK!N Pt 2
How comfortable are we in our own skin?
How comfortable can we truly be in a society that’s relentless in highlighting what’s ‘wrong’ with us?
Deliberating makes us question our self-worth. Constant comparison makes us inwardly harbour our
negativity. It’s poisonous, but we drink it all up.
They want us to feel bad, to want to change ourselves, just so we buy their products. We despair, we
invest, but only they profit.
So again, this poses the ultimate question- can we ever actually be at ease within our bodies?
I’ve always been uncomfortable in a bikini, in front of friends, family and even total strangers.
All because I have been trained to adjust, to fix, to change, to suck it in. All because of a flat chest,
big bum, cellulite, thighs that touch, a lower belly that isn’t flat, scoliosis, curved shoulders,
I am conditioned to want to change the aforementioned, to have the “perfect” body. I also know
that will never happen. It’s not for lack of trying, it’s simply because it doesn’t fully exist.
Instead, let’s make it our mission to embrace what we have and take our focus off what we don’t
currently possess. Maybe once we face our flaws, we can be content in living with, or in them. We’ll
see them for what they are- strange and beautiful reminders that we are only human.
The Improv Sessions
Genetics for one.
I’m getting older and so is my body.
I want to look after myself and protect the case that carries me around this world every day.
I want to cherish and be grateful for all it facilitates.
I am breathing, I am healthy.
My shell protects me.
I water, nourish, and protect it too.
One for one.
It’s only fair, after 23 years of moulding.
I have no doubt that it will continue to move, contort, and shift away from its current design.
A reminder: THAT IS OKAY.
If my mindset can change and grow with it, then I know I will be proud of who I have become.
Of all that I have done and can do.
I challenge myself physically every day.
Not excessively, although sometimes I could do more.
Training as a dancer, I had to work on my alignment.
I was trying to twist and push and pull and squeeze my body into an uncomfortable, narrow mould.
Through dance, I have been able to alter my bones and build stronger muscles that hold new shapes.
If I stop, it will only get worse and ruin all the work I have done thus far.
I now realise my aim is not perfection, for what is that anyway?
My aim is structural stability. Strength. Happiness within myself. To cut myself out of the vicious
cycle that is comparing myself to others. So that one day soon, I’ll have made peace with it all. I’ll
have found comfort in my own SK!N.